youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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