Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
