I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
