I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
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