but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
