Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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