It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
