Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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