Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
