Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
