why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
This is my gift to your gina
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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