she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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