Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
The feeling are messing with the penis
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
