I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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