she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
