so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
