ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
