Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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