First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
