Dude my mom stole all your condoms
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
two words...techno handjob
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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