Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
