who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
