yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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