i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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