I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
