honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Randomize
