I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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