so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
did i walk over a car last night?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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