I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
