god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
