She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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