I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm both gender and math confused
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
