fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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