Pants 0. Shit 1.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
