I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
