This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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