There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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