Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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