and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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