Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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