My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
