he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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