By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
