I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
