The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
