we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
