Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
being pregnant is like rehab
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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