i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
