I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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