New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
