Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
