i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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