I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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