Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you never un-have a 4some
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize