Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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