that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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