i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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