oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
