Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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