Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
