I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
where does the pee come out of this thing
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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