remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
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How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
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You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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