I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
