Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
