so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
