mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
