South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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