his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
