you guys were way drunker than both of me
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
