I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
