At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
