quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
